


Zluff

by alldaluv



Category: One Direction (Band), Zquad
Genre: Fluff, Non AU, Other, Twitter, but its not really confirmed so like, doggies, eh, fluffy fluffy fluff fluff, i mean there can be implied larry and implied niam, zayn fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alldaluv/pseuds/alldaluv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>non-au fluff of Zayn, minions, and Harley cuz i love her she's adorable</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zluff

**Author's Note:**

> so like if you /really/ despise the minions then i mean i don't really think this is the fic for you tbh but if you like just hate them then this is an okay fic for you and you'll be laughing hopefully at the end 
> 
> this is the longest fic ive ever written im so ??? foihroihoihfiheieihrieurhlrugriufbviaundio 
> 
> follow me on twitter harryistiny

Zayn was walking into his living room where he had the tv on and his English Bulldog, Harley, laying on the couch as per usual.   
“IT’S TORTURE TIME!” He hears being yelled from his flat screen.   
He looked over and saw a really tall, Harry looking guy in a striped suit yelling at minions while they played on a noose.   
“THE MINIONS MOVIE; OUT JULY 10TH 2015”  
“Huh, they look cool,” Zayn said giggling to himself and looking at Harley. He scruffed her head and plopped down next to her, “Hey, the 10th is tomorrow!” He said realizing the movie would be coming out tomorrow. 

Zayn goes out the next day to a local theatre that’s showing The Minions Movie and waits in line to get skittles and a sprite for the movie. Some fans see him and ask for a photo and he takes a selfie with them and kindly asks them not to post anything till after he leaves so he doesn’t get mobbed and they laugh and say they don’t have service anyway because it’s a movie theatre. 

He grabs his snack and goes to the back of the theatre waiting for the previews to end. One in particular made him laugh, it was for a movie about how your pets act when you leave them at home and at the end there was a fancy poodle that was listening to classical music and its owner left and patted it on the head and when he closed the door the poodle changed the song to a heavy screamo song and head banged along to it. He was close to tears when it ended. 

The lights went down and the screen told the audience to silence their phones and the movie began. He was excited for the movie even though it’s originally aimed for the younger audience but hey he’s not a normal 22yo, the advert for it looked funny and he liked Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2 so he sat back, started eating his skittles and enjoyed the movie.

An hour and thirty one minutes later and it was finished, he found it hilarious, he was nearly crying during every other scene. When Kevin turned into a 30 foot giant minion and saved all of England and all the other minions by grabbing Scarlett and Herb and making everyone believe he was dead made Z really sad though he thought he actually died, but then when they saw a young Gru and just ah it was so adorable. 

Zayn got up stretched a bit, you know after sitting in those dreadful theatre seats your butt and legs start to feel like mush. He walked out threw away his thrash and went to the bathroom then went and drove back to his house. 

It was around 10pm when he got home and was sat on his bed with his phone out creeping through twitter while listening to Rescue You by The Weeknd, looking through how people were reacting to his latest selfie; he’s squinting and shirtless. He’s had his twitter for around 5 years and still doesn’t fully understand how to work it, he logs out and turns off his phone.

He lays back and has Harley come lay by his side, Harley has giving him puppy eyes and that’s when he realized that Harley must be hungry the last time she was fed was almost 3 hours ago. Come to think of it Zayn was pretty hungry himself too, all he’s eaten today was 2 toaster strudels for breakfast and that bag of skittles. 

He walks over to the kitchen with Harley trailing not too far behind, her paws plopping on the floor while she walks gives it away, he poured a bowl of kibble for Harley in her bowl and set it on the floor next to him while he went and looked for a pizza restaurant menu. He searched through 2 cabinets before he finally found one, it was to ‘Castle Hill Pizza’. He ordered a small cheese pizza, hot wings and blue cheese, and orange soda. 

Around half an hour later his food came and took it back to the living room where he was watching old cartoons with Harley sleeping on the couch right next to him. The first Danny Phantom episode was on and he was really happy he hasn’t watched this show in forever. In the ghost lunch lady’s defense he would be pretty angry if all school served was vegetarian grass, school food is bad enough as it is no need to change it. 

The episode is almost over and he’s eaten all of the wings, half of the pizza, and half of the bottle of orange soda. He can’t stop thinking about how cute the minions were, Bob was so adorable with his teddy. 

He got up and grabbed his trash and the rest of the soda and pizza and put them in the fridge for later and threw out the container the wings came in and walked down the hall to his room to grab his laptop. He took it off the charger and brought it back to the living room. He was searching for cute minions merchandise online while finishing his episode of Danny Phantom. 

He found a really cute ASOS sweatshirt that was gray with a fading stripe type thing going on in the bottom and the three main minions, Bob, Stewart, and Kevin mid jump in the middle. The sweater was only $108 so he ordered it with overnight shipping so it should get to him by tomorrow. 

Seeing as it was nearing midnight and he was tired out from an exciting day he shut off the T.V. grabbed his laptop and walked to his room and went to bed.  
When he wakes up it’s around 9 and Harley is laying in between his legs. 

“Har, babe get off I need to wee.” Zayn said rolling the dog off him and getting up to go to the bathroom. 

He decided to take a shower since he was in the bathroom anyway. He washed up, washed his hair, rinsed off shut off the water and dried off all in around 30 minutes or so. He walked into his room to get boxers and basketball shorts not caring about a shirt. 

He walked out of his room, hair still a mess and dripping water, and walked into the kitchen and had his pizza from the night before as breakfast. No heating it up or anything cuz day old cold pizza for breakfast is the only way to go. 

He heard a knock at the door and he was guessing it was his sweater he ordered last night so he got up and opened the door and didn’t notice till he opened the door that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. It was awkward, the postage man was looking at him weird and Harley came running into the room once she heard the door open and started barking but he took the box, thanked the man, and closed the door. 

He set the box down on the counter, poured Harley some doggy food in her bowl, and went back to finishing his cold pizza for breakfast. He took his phone out and saw he had a text from “eggplant emoji” saying “Hey bro! Have you seen that new Disney advert for that minions movie?” Zayn had no idea who this person was. He went through his contacts and found all of his contact names have been changed, there was an eggplant emoji, a bread emoji, “T-PAIN”, a mom emoji, a flower emoji, a girl emoji, a donut emoji, an angry face and disgusted and side eye emoji all for one, an egg emoji, a candy emoji, and so on and so on every single contact in his phone had been changed into a different emoji. 

“What happened to my phone, ugh?” He said out loud looking down at Harley. 

He remembered two days ago he let Louis play on his phone and apparently he decided to play a prank on him.

“Ha ha very funny Lou, now I have no idea who anyone is, fantastic.” Z thought to himself. 

He clicked on “T-PAIN”s contact and called them hoping it was Louis. The phone rang a couple times till the other line finally picked up, 

“Hey, is this Louis?”

“Yeah, sup Z?” Lou, replied.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PHONE YOU WANKER?!” All he heard was Louis and Harry choking on their laughs. 

“Oh my god, ah I was wondering when you were gonna figure out I did that, oh god. Tears.” 

“LOUIS!” Zayn said slightly annoyed at the fact that Louis wasn’t cooperating. 

“Oi, Z I have all the contacts names and what I changed them to written in my notes on my phone I’ll text you it.” Louis said laughing at the end.

“Good thank you. Bye Lou, text them right after I hang up please.”

“Yeah okay bro.” 

The call ended and around 2 minutes later he got 3 texts. The text were 3 pictures, two were his contacts and one was a picture that he doesn’t even want to think about. Turns out eggplant emoji is actually Liam, heaven knows why Louis made him that emoji out of the literal hundreds there are. 

Zayn replies a quick, “Yeah I actually saw the movie yesterday it was sick.” Then going back to looking at the list of his contacts. “T-PAIN” was Louis, the eggplant emoji was Liam, the mom emoji was his mom, a girl emoji was for Doniya, the flower emoji was for Harry, the donut emoji was for Waliyha, the angry face and disgusted and side eye emojis were for Shahid, the bread emoji was for Niall, the egg emoji was for Jawaad, and the candy emoji was for Safaa. He kinda likes the look of having emojis instead of names for contacts, he might keep them. He’ll need to look back at Louis’ notes for who was which emoji quite a bit though. 

“Oh sweet mate!  Me and Niall were just chilling writing some songs and saw the ad and thought about going and seeing it. Thanks for the rating on it bro” Liam texted back. 

“Any time guys.” Zayn said before turning on some music and putting his phone on sleep so he could finish his pizza for breakfast as he was interrupted two times now.

Zayn finished his pizza around 11 and decided to go on his secret tumblr account that he has and look up cute pictures and drawings and jokes and stuff about the minions. After looking through quite a bit of minions memes and pictures he felt in the mood to draw something. He went into his art room where he spray pants the walls all he wants and he keeps his sketch pad in there with all his fancy expensive pencils and started drawing. 

Around half an hour later in his hands he had the cutest drawing of Bob the minion with his teddy bear clutched in his arms and bananas scattered around in the middle ground. He posted a picture of it to twitter with no caption and watched everyone freak out, he loved doing that really; watch the fans’ reaction to things like his selfies, drawings, new music anything really they were usually pretty much very positive, happy people.

He noticed that Harley was doing her little potty dance that she does when she’s gotta go so he went and let her outside and stayed with her. He had a nice big backyard, green grass, a pool, a patio with chairs he was pretty proud of it actually. 

He let Harley run around and use the bathroom and stuff and he sat back in one of the chairs and just relaxed. It was a pretty nice day out, not too hot, just enough sun out it was nice. He likes partying and clubbing and living it up but he also really likes being by himself just relaxing. 

After a while Harley comes over to him obviously looking for some water with the way she’s panting so Z goes and fills up her outside bowl he has for her in the hose faucet. He goes back to laying down and after Har refreshes herself she comes and lays next to him in his chair. They just lay there together letting the subtle wind blow by.

Zayn closed his eyes and just pet Harley’s head, they’d been outside for quite a bit now and he was starting to get pretty hungry. He checked his phone and noticed they’d been outside for almost an hour seeing it was close to 1pm. 

He walked back inside and rummaged through his kitchen for some food, he found a box of cereal, juice, gummy bears, some weird bag of chips he doesn’t even remember buying, and some chicken. He decides to cook the chicken so he gets out a pan and starts frying it up. While cooking he tries the chips and decides they’re not that bad so he saves them to eat them with his chicken, he does snack on the gummy bears while cooking though. 

When the chicken was finished he put it on a plate and walked into the living room with it, the bag of chips and a cup of soda. He turned on the T.V. and flipped through the channels till he saw that Power Rangers was on and watched that while he ate. He finished his food before the episode was over put his dishes away and decided on just watching T.V. for a bit. 

“A bit” turned into 5 hours, 5 hours of Power Rangers reruns and a few episodes of the Rugrats. He hasn’t gotten off of his couch in 3 hours, he got up once to go to the bathroom, other than that he’s been sat on his couch with Harley cuddled into his side. 

He can hear Harley’s stomach growling and decides that maybe some dinner or a snack would be a good idea. Walking out of the living room and into the kitchen he pours Har her food in her special bowl that even says her name on in that he designed himself then looks for anything edible in his fridge. He finds some rice and sees there’s a bit more chicken left from earlier and starts making chicken with a side of rice. Pretty anticlimactic meal but it’s easy and simple and he doesn’t feel like calling for takeout. 

Cooking the meal only took a little while he eat and went online on his phone, creeped about on twitter, checked up on the fans, the usual. He finishes his food and goes on a little “tweet spree” as the fans call it, and retweets a tweet saying what he wore recently and replied to some fans followed a bit. He remembered that he hadn’t showed them the jumper he got which was in his room at this point so he cleared up his plate and went to his room to put it on and take a selfie with it to show the fans. It wasn’t really a “selfie” but it showed his jumper so he was fine with posting it.   
“@zaynmalik: I have minions on my jumper and there sick .. #Don’tmesswithminions” with the selfie attached. 

After that he went through his timeline checked up on everything, watched people’s reactions to his new jumper. They weren’t positive like they usually are.  
“I’m unstanning” “Why Zayn” “Really?? Minions?? Really Zayn??” and loads more of negative comments were coming in about the minions, like Zayn just thought they were cute and funny jeez.   
He sent out a tweet real quick really confused because he thought everyone liked them and thought they were cool too obviously he was wrong as it seems.   
“@zaynmalik: Didn’t realise the hate for minions was this real fuck these aliens got it bad” 

He tweeted that before going through his camera roll and deleting all of the cute minions “memes” he found online that he thought were so cool.   
“Shit, I thought these aliens were funny… the fuck.” he whispered to himself while doing so. 

He posted a selfie he took a couple days before and then logged out, gave them something else to talk about than the minions on his sweater which he seemed to be the only one that liked sadly.   
The entire thing took around almost two hours to unfold and happen and it was almost 8 now so he put on a movie cuddled with Harley and went to sleep thinking about how much people actually hate the minions, like they’ve done nothing to them? He really didn’t understand, but oh well.


End file.
